Friday, December 20, 2013

Inner Beauty?

So if you've been following me for a while, you know that when I get stressed I binge watch a movie.  That movie has changed throughout the years; Aladdin, Tangled, Goodfellas, you name it.  I pick a movie and latch on and watch it multiple times a day.  This finals week I think I watched "The Devil Wears Prada" at least twenty times.  Yes I have a problem, no I'm not going to stop.
Anyways, one line in the movie really got me thinking about self image and whether I'm actually comfortable being me.  Nigel says "that's what this whole multibillion-dollar industry is all about, isn't it?  Inner beauty."  Is that all this is to designers?  To the fashion industry?  Is it just an industry?  I looked at myself with all my new clothes, obsessive need for makeup and the disdain I had at the little tummy I developed during my finals week diet of take-out and chips.  Instead of thinking about my time at home during my drive out of Boston, I kept thinking of how I was going to clear up my stress acne and lose the finals weight.  I almost had an aneurysm when my parents thought I didn't need makeup for going out to dinner to a small pub with them.
Wow what is wrong with me?  The more I thought of it, only a little of this thinking is new and I've been stressing about my appearance for years.  
I was a huge dork in high school.  I had Hermione Granger hair and my mom wouldn't let me wear makeup.  I thought the solution to the first problem was to cut it all off, and the second problem would be fixed by drying my face out because no oil meant no acne, right?  Well, wrong.  My hair turned into an afro and the dry skin only made my acne worse.  It wasn't until I almost graduated that I figured out that the weight of long hair keeps it flat and moisture actually keeps your skin from producing oil.  Turns out people aren't "naturally beautiful", they age into their awkward and learn some tips to look more put together.  Seriously, who looks normal in 8th grade and doesn't grow up to be a stripper or something?  At least that's what I tell myself.
Also to top it off, I was on the science team (loved it though!)
I was the entire nerd package.
The point is, did I really change much after learning these things?  No not really...   I'm still kind of a socially damaged chemical engineer at MIT.  Do I have more confidence?  Yes, definitely.  For me, looking put together tells people, "hey, I know what I'm doing".  Being put together is a way of showing that since I put the time into looking professional, you can put time into listening to my ideas.  Is this truly what happens?  No clue.  But it does give me more confidence when I go to a conference or a job interview.  
So back to Devil Wears Prada.  Can we really separate inner and outer beauty?  I'm starting to think not.  Yes one is artificially crafted by people making millions of dollars off of me being a sheep, but I think that having that beauty leads to the other.  Having nice hair and dressing in clothes that compliment you can increase your self confidence dramatically.  I have the confidence to walk up to people and present myself and my ideas without worrying what they're thinking about my appearance.  The point is, I'm not really seeing a need to differentiate "inner" and "outer" beauty, to me they go hand in hand.

Plus clothes are pretty ;)

Monday, December 16, 2013

Little Christmas Cheer

Hey everyone, I thought we could all use a little more Christmas, especially in finals.  I love online shopping, and typically it calms me down to look at fun things.  From now until Christmas I'll be posting some things that have caught my eye.



What's on your list?

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Reprioritizing

Hey all.  I promised I'd be back and here I am!  I don't normally like to leave the blog completely dead for so long, but sometimes you have to drop everything and reorganize your life a bit.  The semester is winding to a close and I find that this is the best time of year to really think about life.  Christmas is coming, finals are closing in, and I'm slowly depleting my perishable food supply so I can go home.  I'll be back in Cambridge with 2014 fresh in the air, one year to go, and a blank slate.
I've been thinking a lot about priorities, what needs to get done, and what's really important in life.  You see my life ground to a halt about a week ago when a very close professor to me told me she has cancer.  I've been learning French with this woman for two years and grown very close to her.  I'll be honest, I was devastated by the news that something so horrible could happen to such a good person.
I've always been one to think that the universe operated through Karma.  What you do will come back to kick your ass, if not now then maybe in another life.  It didn't make sense to me that this kind, patient, and gentle woman could have something so tragic fall into her lap so suddenly.  It shook what I thought I knew about the world and broke down every safeguard around my heart.  I spent days crying for my professor, then cried because I couldn't believe I was taking it so hard.  It began to consume my down time.
Every day I heard her first words on the topic to me, "Remember that the most important things in your life are your family, your friends and your health".
What the hell was I doing with my life?  My health is slowly going down the toilet as I live a caffeine fueled sleepless existence.  My teeth are being ground to the roots and my stomach lining is slowly wasting away.
I do have the most wonderful friends here though.  I've met the most amazing people in Cambridge and have made truer friends than I ever had back in New York.  
But family.  Oh wow have I've messed that one up.  Yes I'm 20, I'm ok with the fact that I live 5 hours from my parents.  That's fine, natural, part of life, blah blah.  I spent my time with them and it's time to be on my own.  
But what am I doing living 300 miles from Doug, my new "family"?  Three years ago we sat down and made what is still the hardest decision of my life.  I moved to Cambridge to go to MIT, and he moved to Ithaca for Cornell.  We told ourselves that four years is worth the opportunity our educations would bring, we'd be back together soon.  At the time it was smart; we weren't sure if 18 year olds were capable of making life decisions and why sacrifice education for a high school relationship?  Three years later and still not a day goes by where I wonder if I made the right choice.
Where should my priorities be?  Have I brushed aside family for the sake of money?  Of my job?  Was this opportunity worth it?  Should I have stayed in New York?  Should he have moved with me?  I try not to think about it too much, with only a year to go there's not much point to changing it.  Still, I wonder as a 20 year old what I should be doing with my life.  Overall I think I made the right choice.  Maybe my Brass Rat will make life easier in the long run, letting us enjoy our life a little better.
That Rat can sure get heavy though.
Right now I'm just focusing on pushing through finals to get to my month of calm.  Five days until I don't have to worry about Reynold's numbers and radiation.  I can let myself recuperate from the strain I've put myself through.  This place is a disease.  The past months have held mostly exhaustion, stress, and disappointment for me.  It's feeling like every up has two downs and just when I think I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel something smacks me off my feet.  I know it'll get better, and I'm waiting for my work to pay off.  Maybe 2014 will be my year.
I'm sorry this turned into a long piece, but I've been away for a while and had some things I needed to air.  I promise the next post will be fun, but thank you for reading to the end if you did.  This blog means a lot to me and thinking about fun posts and new ideas for it definitely help me get through weeks like the past few I've had.
I wish you all the best, and good luck on finals!

Monday, December 2, 2013

And a good time was had by all

Hey everyone!  Oh it's good to be back behind my desk writing to you.  It's been a crazy week or so.  So many midterms, papers and traveling.  I promise I won't whine about those things for a while now.  Really, I mean it.
See I've been in a pretty good mood the past couple days.  I got to go home and see my baby Chippy, eat some food I didn't cook in a rush, and hand out with Doug.  Thanksgiving was a real rush this year and overall I think it went well.  I'm feeling well rested and prepared to take on the rest of the semester, what 2 weeks are left of it....
Thanksgiving was lovely, my parents actually made a turkey this year, which is rare.  My mom is an immigrant and my dad doesn't care too much for turkey, so what we eat varies from year to year.  It's always a feast, but is still really fun when we actually get a turkey.  Doug and I tried something new this year and split our time between our families (we grew up 3 blocks from each other. We're kind of Eric and Donna)  I won't go into it, but I'm not sure we'll do that again.  It was very tiring hopping from house to house, eating too much food, and each dealing with "inlaws".  We'll think of another game plan next year, but I wouldn't recommend two families in one day.
Did you find any good Black Friday deals?  Best buy ran a deal where Samsung Galaxy S4s are free with a Verizon contract.  I got this lovely here at midnight at Best Buy.
Samsung Galaxy S4
I thought I might get stabbed, but well worth it.  Oh baby is this phone nice...
I also got a brand spankin new pair of riding boots.  I feel so prep-tastic in them it's unbearable.
Bandolino Riding Boots
These were a real steal and the sale is still going on!!!  Marked down to $80, but the only pair left in my size was a tiny bit scuffed so they marked them down more to
$70.  I'm a happy girl.  The sizes run true, so you can buy them comfortably online during their cyber Monday deals.
Here are some of the deals I'm watching for today's Cyber Monday sales at Macy's

What sales are you watching?  I'll post a wish list soon for you.
Share your wish list with me!  I'd love to see what people are lusting after this year ;)